Here are the rules for being in my circle:
- Don’t act like a victim.
- Don’t treat me like a persecutor.
- Don’t try to teach me.
If we’re friends, you can do anything you want.
But, professionally, here, I’m the teacher.
I know that’s condescending. However, this is my boundary.
If you break any of the above rules, I will get sucked into it very easily. That’s not what I want. Is it what you want?
You: I get so nervous about performing on the piano.
Me: Yeah, me too. Have you tried being mindful of the sensations of anxiety?
You: How dare you!? I was just venting, not looking for advice!
A much better way of starting this conversation would have been to say something like “Hey, I just want to vent about how nervous I get performing on the piano.”
Then, I would have known exactly what you’re looking for, and could have responding accordingly.
If you catch yourself saying any of the following to me, shut your mouth and go think about your life choices:
– You’re so condescending.
– You’re so arrogant.
– You’re being manipulative.
– You don’t know everything.
– You don’t know what’s best for everyone.
– You have no right to tell me what to do.
– I’m not upset. I just find it interesting that you…
– I’m not bothered. I just don’t understand why you…
– I’m not triggered. I just think it’s weird that you…
– That’s a very white male thing to say.
– You should make “I” statements.
– You’re the one who was rude to me. I am not obligated to care about your feelings.
– You didn’t even apologize to me.
– I told my friend and he agrees that you’re being offensive.
– I’m not going down that rabbit-hole again.
– This is why you have no friends.
– I think it’s sad how much self-awareness you lack.
– You’re never going to succeed if you keep treating people that way.
– You violated my boundaries.
– Don’t contact me.
– Get out of my consciousness!
Don’t get me wrong. I can (and will) take the time to decode each of these and try to get a sense of what’s going on inside you. But, what I’d rather do here is teach music and mindfulness. Not be your therapist.
Ain’t nobody got time for that.
I ain’t got the training, either.